i’m sitting in his room, he’s drawing a picture of us.
i want to tell him that i love him, but i’m afraid.
i don’t want to scare him or jump into something.
he said something about being my boyfriend in the future. 
i got scared.
and i immediately started talking about you. 
i hate you.
get out of my head,
out of my dreams,
out of my life,
just get out.

“your smile opens up like a rose does, even when it all feels so fucking hopeless.” 
we laid on your floor for what seemed like forever, and i showed you all the scars. i told you all the morbid parts of my mind. you told me you’d always be there. i need you. i thought i wouldn’t be able to do the distance next year, but now i want to. you’re my hope, my joy. i love you so much, Casey. i need you. all of you. i’m sorry that i’m the way i am, but you’ve never wanted to leave me for it. thank you for having the most loving arms, thank you for wiping away the tears, thank you for loving me

you’re the one thing i’m most grateful for. you changed me in all the right ways. you pointed me into all the right directions. i shied away at first, we both weren’t ready for something new just yet. but the more we got to know each other, the fonder my heart became of you. i do believe i loved you the entire time, but it took me so long to realize how perfect you are for me. you’re the only one i can depend on. and even though i fucked up, you’re still here. and that’s saying something. just the sound of your voice can cure any bad feelings i have. having your arms around me, the way you kiss me. staring into your eyes, i know that this is what it’s all supposed to be like. love that is. i thought i knew what it was, but i got it all wrong. you’re my light, you’re my happiness, you’re what i need. i found salvation in your heart, you brought all the color back into my world. and i’ve never been so thankful for anything.